


Blessed (With Ice So Thick I Can't See Myself)

by Just_East



Series: (We're Only) Human [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky is only mentioned, Hurt Steve, I need him to hurt okay, M/M, Steve being an angsty little shit, Steve's side, don't look at me, this work is very close to the author's heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-20 00:17:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2408183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_East/pseuds/Just_East
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was Captain America. He was blessed. He should be grateful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blessed (With Ice So Thick I Can't See Myself)

He managed to hold off the the panic until he was safely shut into his room. "Jarvis, privacy mode, please."

"Of course, Captain Rogers." The AI replied without delay.

Steve wondered if it was sad that he and Jarvis basically had a routine.

He let out a small laugh that sounded hysterical even to his own ears. This wasn't okay.

Taking in a deep breath, Steve sat on the edge of his bed, trying to force himself into a calmer state. Trying to force everything back their boxes so that he could push them aside and move on.

Because that's what he did. He moved on. He kept going. He had no time to pause, no time for this.

He was Captain America. He was blessed. He should be grateful. 

And he was. But sometimes he wondered if it was worth it.

That was about the time he always pinched himself. He had _asked_ for this. Not like Bucky who had it forced upon him. And even with it forced upon him, Bucky still did his best to help people. No matter how much he denied it, he was a true hero.

Heaven knows he'd always been Steve's hero.

Bucky had always seen through him too, Steve wasn't sure why he thought it'd be any different when Bucky returned to himself. But Bucky was putting too much into this. Steve didn't need Bucky to take care of him anymore. He wasn't fragile, he wasn't weak. He was Captain America, if he wasn't strong, then who the hell would be?

If he just kept it to himself, Bucky would leave it alone eventually.

It sounded like a hollow lie. One he didn't even want.

Scooting down to sit on the floor, Steve wrapped his arms around his knees, pressing his face into them. It was... almost nice to have Bucky looking out for him again. No, it _was_ nice to have Bucky looking out for him. But this wasn't something Bucky needed to concern himself with.

This was just Steve being.... Ungrateful and weak. He was Captain America, he didn't need to be protected or taken care of, not like when he was small and Bucky had to hover over him to make sure he didn't get himself killed. Now it was his turn to give back; it was his job to take care of and protect others now.

But he couldn't deny the little spark that said it'd be _nice_ to have Bucky take care of him again. That it'd be nice to be pulled out of the small place he'd locked himself into.

Steve took in another deep breath.

Bucky was still recovering. Steve couldn't put his own useless, causeless burden onto him. 

Bucky needed Steve to be strong. Steve needed to be Bucky's rock. His port in the storm, a place to come home to.

Steve took in another deep breath.

Standing up, he rolled his shoulders back, banishing any tears and told himself sternly that others had it so much worse. 

Steve was blessed.

Sighing when the tension didn't leak out of him, Steve quickly changed into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He might as well make himself useful and train. 

He half wished that Bucky wouldn't look for him and find him in the gym. He half wished that Bucky _would_.

He needed to do something to put Bucky at ease. While he worked on the punching bag, he'd plan. With that decided, Steve nodded to himself and held his head high as he left his room and headed down to the gym Tony had kindly designed for him.

Steve was blessed. 

Steve was Captain America, and he had to be strong. Captain America was hope and strength and a port in the storm. Captain America was what people needed. 

Captain America was what Bucky needed.

**Author's Note:**

> Hurt Steve is something I really need. At least personally, a lot of the things that Steve thinks are similar to how I think about my own problems. That people have it so much worse than me, that I have to be strong for my friends, if I'm not the strong one, who will be?
> 
> Hurt Steve is something I think we all really need. If Steve Rogers, Captain America can hurt and bleed and cry, then we sure as hell can. Just because Steve isn't as in control as he appears to be doesn't make him any less. 
> 
> I just think it's something we need to see reflected. Hurt Bucky, that's a given, but few take the time to talk about Steve, how even the rock sometimes cracks. I just personally need it, to help me deal with the fact that I am not as together as I would like to be, or think I should be. Seeing Steve hurt, gives me hope that one day, even if I'm as hurt as he is I can make something great of myself too.
> 
> Well, this has been my thoughts, feelings and inspiration for this series. There will be more, I guarantee. I hope you all enjoyed this and I hope it speaks to you. 
> 
> (Don't worry, Bucky is planning on whacking him upside the head/kissing the hell out of him until he gets it through his thick skull that emotions aren't weakness, they're life.)


End file.
